CONTROL

Being a big fan of Anton Corbijn, I had to go to take a look at his film. More on that, today, when almost everyone who has ever held a guitar in his hands and stood on stage endorses Joy Division, it’s a necessity for the musician to see that film. Today I’ve learned that the major part of the budget was paid by Corbijn himself – another reason to visit the theatre with good sensation.

I’m not a critic and I gladly leave that job to someone more competent, I just want to add some few personal feelings I’ve had from the movie. Some of them have come immediately within the spectation, some even the other day, after some time of thinking it all over.

First feeling – beautiful black and white design. I love black and white movies! Got to admit that I expected it to be little more “Corbijn-like”, but movie is a movie and it’s basically not a video. Few “classical” shots are there anyway, the one impressed me the most (among many others) is the part where Curtis walks down the street, then the camera turns and we’re watching him from behind, seeing the big white “HATE” painted on the back of his jacket. That gave me creeps. And a little laugh inside – few days ago I spent one afternoon walking on the Charles Bridge in Prague with a big sign around my neck saying “LOST?” when shooting our new video – I am really curious whether we’ll be accused of copying something again.

Second feeling – the film had slowed down a bit in his middle part, but nevertheless at this point I was just enjoying the atmosphere and the environment of the late 70’s and I suggested it was a director’s intention to let people breath out before the load of the final part.

Third feeling – I was just floating on the waves of the atmosphere and for few moments I regreted I wasn’t born in 1960 in Manchester and 18 years later I wasn’t rehearsing with bunch of some suburbian losers in unknown parents’ garage, didn’t meet Tony Wilson in some pub...

Fourth feeling – life is simple and you don’t need any pomp to achieve something exceptional. Ordinary people with something extraordinary inside of them get suddenly connected to that strange ingenious stream that starts to spirt and even the ordinary guy from the local employment office can compose a great song. The right place, the right time, the right deployment of things and people.

Fifth feeling – I liked the fact Corbijn had not idolized Curtis. Was he complicated? Or simple? A hero or a coward? Surely both of all. He was not even particularly likeable, he was maybe pissing me off for some moments of the film. Was he selfish? Sure he was. He was just taking – and to the world he was sending over his feelings. Everyone of that kind must be at least little selfish in some way. Maybe Curtis started to crumble down even from the fact, that he suddenly became so famous. All the time you are trying to make people take you a bit seriously, and when they start to listen to you, you just find out it’s all just a superficial adoration, no one in fact takes care of you, but just of the pretty shell. So you just give it a fuck. You just keep roaring out your feelings and you don’t give a shit if someone’s listening. The more you spit upon the people, the more you’re getting attractive for them. The vicious spiral. Kurt Cobain put once a shot through his head because of that, I believe.
Maybe another thing – among all these things, Curtis started to feel more and more alone. Loneliness is an inner feeling and it doesn’t matter how many people are around you. The depression comes from inside, it’s like a black hole eating you and taking all your hopes, it doesn’t have a cause and there’s no cure. You don’t know why you feel bad. You don’t see anything good around. All the world of yours is being reduced to you and your ugly shell, inside of which you’re stuck just with your sorrow.

And by that we have reached my last feeling – during last ten minutes of the movie I have remembered the time, when I struggled to write some things for EXIT:NOWhere. I was in the state, when the man is already behind his desperation, almost calm, in the matter of fact. I reconciled with the fact that I finish the record and leave. Of course, normally considering person cannot understand such thoughts. But when you’re in such a state, for you it seems that you think normally, only that your “normality” has a strangely twisted logic. Selfishness, self-regret and self-punishment prevails at that point. It’s all piece of shit, but you don’t reach that view. You don’t even reach the view, that it’s not heroism at all, but the contrary of it. And that you won’t even see your closest ones mourning for you. And that you won’t see the end titles with the beautiful “Atmosphere”. And there’s one thing that is quite clear, that same as in this movie, death is trivial and ironically non-impressive.

The film has got me. And yet because of the fact I was able to go to see that film yesterday evening, I am glad to be here.
Thanx J.

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